From ESPN Page 2’s Junk Mail:

I was saddened earlier this week when I found out that “Jersey Shore” has been renewed for another season. My 14-year-old daughter has been watching this show since its inception in [2009]. I don’t know what type of [lingering effects] it’ll have on her. I just want it to be over. Should I be concerned?
— Mike, Pocatello, Idaho

“Jersey Shore” being renewed is the best thing that could have happened for concerned parents. Snooki is pregnant, The Situation is in rehab for a prescription-pill addiction, Vinny is suffering from an anxiety disorder, and Deena is certifiable. The sixth season is the antidote to any negative influence derived from viewing the first five seasons. Your daughter will be scared straight seeing the consequences of excessive partying.

I guess there is a silver (tan?) lining on every cloud (and really, when it’s cloudy, you need to go tanning!).