Rob Schneider and the Third Amendment

March 18th, 2012

This weekend, my parents visited me in Louisville, and we visited the Improv at Fourth Street Live tonight to hear Rob Schneider do a standup set. He was excellent (other than the inevitable cringe of hearing jokes about certain unspeakable acts next to your parents).

In any event, Rob did a bit on the TSA, and started saying that their propensity to feel people’s balls is an unreasonable search, and violates the Third Amendment. Gaff. I really, really, really wanted to shout out Fourth Amendment, but I didn’t want to be that guy. Of all the hecklers, telling Rob I was a lawyer would give him way too much ammo. I would have been lampooned. So I stayed mum.

This reminds me of a time during a 2008 VP debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. Biden, a former ConLaw Prof at Widener Law School, said something about the role of the Vice President, and said it’s in Article I. Well no, it was Article II. So I whipped out my pocket Constitution from my breast pocket (who doesn’t have one handy) and pointed the section out to the people nearby. For about 30 seconds, I was cool. (totally random aside, but I knew someone who took his class; apparently he showed up once or twice during the semester, and didn’t do jack; fitting preparation for the role of Vice President, which John Adams remarked: “My country has in its wisdom contrived for me the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived”).

Anyway, while it was probably appropriate for a vice-presidential debate, it wasn’t right for a comedy club.

Oh, and one fact I didn’t know. Schenider said that Rogaine was originally designed as a topical cream to increase heart-circulation. However, men who applied it to their chest started to grow nipple hair! So some genius figured it would work well as a drug to grow hair. Go figure! That’s like Viagra, which was invented as a hyper-tension drug, and a unintended side-effect was an erection! Genius!

Rob! You can do it!