The Conservative Constitution of the United States?

January 6th, 2011

The Washington Post has this kinda-funny take on the Conservative Constitution. A few of my favorite provisions:

  • Article I. Congress shall have only the powers literally, specifically and expressly granted herein, and no others. That means definitely, without question, absolutely, no regulation of the Health Insurance or Financial Services industries. This isn’t too much different from Article I, Section 1.
  • Any law enacted by Congress and signed by the President may be overturned by the vote of three or more States if they find it burdensome, offensive, annoying or in any way touching on Health Insurance, Property Rights or Guns. Isn’t this Randy’s repeal amendment?
  • 2. The right to bear Semi-Automatic Weapons, AK-47s or Bazookas shall not be infringed by background checks, safety locks, age limits or common sense. Oh silly Washington Post. Anti-gunners don’t seem to understand that a Semi-Automatic weapons are not assault weapons (whatever the heck those are anyway). In his McDonald dissent, Breyer asked what a semi-automatic gun is.
  • 3. The right of Corporations, Hedge Funds, Business Leaders and Lobbyists to spend endless cash on campaigns and influence-purchasing shall not be infringed. The so-called right of Unions to associate shall be denied as fundamentally un-American and contrary to the agenda of the Chamber of Commerce. Kinda duplicative of the First Amendment, no? 😉
  • 8. No White Male shall be denied equal protection of the law through Affirmative Action or otherwise. In keeping with the intent of the Framers, as discerned by the Honorable Justice Antonin Scalia, distinctions on the basis of sex shall not be deemed to deny equal protection. Oh silly Nino.
  • 9. The right to be uninsured and make other people pay the costs of one’s Health Care shall not be infringed under any circumstances. This probably falls into the 9th amendment. Not sure if it is coincidental that the Post listed this one as #9.
  • 12. No one may be required to do anything He or She does not want to do. Ever.  Amendment please.